no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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