I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
