yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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