Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
