i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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