My friends, they love my intelligence
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I want her autograph on my taint
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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