I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
