I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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