as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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