Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
