You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
