so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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