I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
