apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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