I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
