i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
