OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
