i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
