Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
