Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
