drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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