Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
