just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
