Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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