I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
