I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
