Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
