I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
