the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
