what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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