I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
