Your face is a jimmy john
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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