All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
