I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
