he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
