ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
