Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
