were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
