And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
