$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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