I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
