I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
