I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
