I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
