onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
