After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
