It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
