I hate all girls vehemently.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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