The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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