I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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