jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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