how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
