i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
