Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
