walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
